Weird...

My landlady is a unique person.

When I first met her she had staples in her face from just getting a face-lift. She seemed like an odd character, but I loved the neighborhood and she was asking for a small amount of money for a nicely sized place, so I couldn't pass it up.

About two weeks ago something bizarre and terrifying happened. I came back to the house (I rent out the third floor) at around noon on a Sunday. I had a philosophy class that morning and I was eager to get inside and watch some football. I open the door and turn around to click the dead-bolt into the locked position. I hear someone coming down the stairs, then I hear my landlord say "OH SHIT". This makes me look up quickly and she is COMPLETELY NAKED. She tried hurrying up the stairs so I didn't see her, but that damage was done. I saw what I saw, and it can never be unseen. Fortunately, she doesn't know that I saw her.

Then today I came back from my Friday morning film class and I hear a vacuum running upstairs. This isn't out of the ordinary, she's a clean freak. She has OCD, owns 9 vacuums (not even joking) and uses at least three of them daily. I figure she just vacuuming her room on the second floor or whatever.

But once I get to the second floor I notice that the chords are going up to the third floor. I thought that was odd, but figured she was probably just cleaning up the bathroom, which she sometimes uses and stores extra things in. But once I get up the stairs, I see my bedroom door wide open with three vacuum chords going into it. I walk in and she's on her hands and knees vacuuming my floor and the rug near my T.V. I say, "Um...hey, what's up?" and she looks at me and says, "I was just cleaning up in here because it was absolutely filthy."
Okay. That's weird. I say to her, "yeah...uh, I guess I'm not the cleanest person around." Then she says, "No, no you're not. Not at all. I'll be done in a few minutes."

I know this is a weird thing to be complaining about, having someone clean up for you unannounced, but that's just the thing. I feel like a guest here, and I shouldn't. I pay a lot of money to stay here and it's frustrating have my personal space invaded this often.

She could have asked me if I could clean up in here. I would have done it. I should also mention that it was not even that dirty in here at all. There was a small amount of dust and maybe a crumb or two on the floor. But she acted like I have been shitting on my rug and smearing it on my walls. She took a pretty harsh tone with me, too, when she was explaining how unclean I can be.

She has drawn a gross naked old lady line in the sand and has crossed it. I can't stand it.

I'm really looking forward to moving out of this place. I'm hoping to find a new place maybe sometime in May or June. I'm planning on living with people my age. Other twenty-somethings. Maybe they won't break into my room to clean it up.

This is Why I Can't Buy Tasty Things

Yesterday I was out buying some things for the apartment at a pharmacy store. I made the mistake of walking past the snack section and, thinking back to how empty my snack drawer was, bought some snacks. Too many snacks.

I left with three cans of Pringles and a big bag of Deli style potato chips.

I figured three cans of Pringles would last me a week or two, since I don't consider myself a glutton. Turns out, however, that I am a glutton.

I bought all those chips on Wednesday at around 4 pm. By 6pm the next day I was down to half a bag of potato chips. I ate all three cans of Pringles and half of the nasty deli style ones. I've never been so conscious of my ass, hips, and stomach.

Let's do some math.

The Pringles crisps have 150 calories in 1 serving. There are 6 servings in each tin.

6 x 150 = 900 calories

900 x 3 = 2700 calories.

2700 calories in just about a day. And that's on top of my regular, not-so-healthy diet.

This is all part of my plan, so don't worry for my weight or health. You have to gain weight to lose weight. That's a fact. A true fact.

New Direction

I'm taking the ole' blog in a new direction. That's right, I'm actually going to post (don't hold me to that)

I changed the blog name from inspirational to semi-cynical. Because, well, like they've always said "Sex and cynicism sells".

Family Feud

My family visited me these past few days. Aubrey, Jayden and Mom. It was really nice to see them (and also nice to receive free groceries and meals and other stuff) but it was also very frustrating. We were all on our periods, apparently. Everyone was crabby with one another and it was stressful, but I like to think that we all had a good time.

As soon as they all left I got really homesick for the first time since I moved a little over two weeks ago. It just felt like a rot in my gut for a bit. I've felt a little bit of it on and off since I moved, but I think just because I haven't had much going on, it really just sunk in. Just the comfort of having my own room in my family house, to pop out every once and a while to talk. To eat and live there for free. Knowing exactly what to expect from my neighborhood, and to know it inside and out. I miss that familiarity. But I'm looking forward to find that comfort, or something like it, here.

Maybe I'll get a kitten.

I have a lot of photos from Monday night. We took a guided cruise tour around the city and I thought it would be annoying and touristy (it was very touristy) but I loved it. We stood on the deck of the boat for the whole thing. It was breathtaking. Here are some pictures I took that I'm happy with.

You should click on these to see them in better resolution. They're still compromised, though, but they'll be bigger. We all love bigger.

It was really nice on the water.

Also, I have to mention how much solitaire I've been playing. A lot. Since I broke my foot and don't have internet connections at the house, I've been spending a lot of time lately just playing solitaire and listening to music. I used to suck at it, but I am starting to master it now.

I probably started playing it like three days ago.

Yeah that's right. 101 games played. At the time it was taken earlier this morning. I think it's up to about 115 now.
Yeah that's right. 14 games won. I'm still working on it.



Booyah.

And to update you on my broken foot. It's been getting better! I'm pretty happy because I can walk at an almost regular pace. It just starts to really hurt if I'm on my feet for too long. But after the first day I didn't need my crutches. And starting this morning, I just ace bandage my foot and put it in a normal shoe. I still limp a little, but it's a lot better than I thought. And I just rode my bike here (the college) and it was awesome. It took like 2 minutes and it was a nice ride. I think I'm gonna continue that as much as possible. (Hopefully no one steals my bike...)

And here's my bruised broken foot. It was swollen like a balloon the first day, but it's almost at regular size.

See ya!

Bad Luck

I've seen to been stricken by bad luck.

I wrote about the internet, but that's nothing in comparison to my new adventure. A broken foot! WOOOOOOO. I was taking out the trash last night, and my hands were full so I couldn't flick on the light. I misjudged the last stair and slipped on it, then landed sideways on my right foot. And it's broken. It took me about 20 minutes to walk on crutches to the coffee shop right near my house. It's usually a 5 minute walk. And I'm drenched in sweat because crutches are a fucking work out. This place is filled with cute women right now. Fuck my life.

I have no idea how I'm going to get to school. That's usually a 15-20 minute walk. On crutches it'll probably be an hour. And I'll have to bring a change of clothes.

This should be a fun six to eight weeks...


PITY ME.

Neighborhood

This'll be more pictures than words.

My house:


The backyard. The train runs right behind us, it's actually kinda nice.


These are from the front porch.



This man was in SoHo, I realized later that I'm an amateur photographer. I really should have went up to him and took some close ups, he was spinning and laughing and releasing bubbles. Maybe I'll see him again...


Little Italy. Mulberry St.

Chinatown. Obviously. I didn't get to walk through too much of Chinatown, I was just trying to get into Little Italy to check it out.

This is at the Columbus Circle stop, right outside Central Park


Softball in the park.

Internet Pooping

Who knew getting an internet connection in Brooklyn could be such an adventure? I'm actually posting from a coffee shop near my house. The internet is working here today (hallelujah) as last time I came...it was not. But let me fill you in on my hilarious efforts for internet. Something went wrong every step of the way for me.

Here's how it should have worked:

Step 1: Call provider and order Verizon High Speed Internet Service
Step 2: Receive self-installation kit in mail
Step 3: Install phone-filters on all phones (this allows you to use the DSL internet without interrupting the phone use)
Step 4: Install Modem and connect to internet
Step 5: SURF THAT WEB LIKE JACK JOHNSON!

Five simple steps, right? Not for this dude.

Step one went well, actually. The guy was helpful.
Step two was a very minor problem. They sent the package, but no one was home, so I had to wait until the next day to sign for it. Not a big deal.
Step three; now that I have the kit, I should install it. But they forgot the phone filter. Woe is me, my life is a continuation of turd-filled toilet water spiraling down into a sewer. Actually, it wasn't a big deal at all. I called and told them they forget the filter, so they sent one out and I got it two days later (yesterday).

But here's where it gets fun. I go to install the new filter on my landlords phone, and the phone is too old. It doesn't fit. I spend an hour trying to make it fit. Then I realize, this isn't my phone, maybe I shouldn't be so tough with it. So I tell my landlord about the situation, and suggest that I'll go buy her a new phone. She's okay with that, so I go to Rite-Aid and get a 10 dollar phone. I bring it home and it fits and it works and all is well (landlord was even pleased with my color choice of phone [black]) So I run upstairs, giddy, ready to install the internet and catch up on a week of missed e-mails, facebook stalking, blogging, foruming, etc. And I go through all the steps, then the installation prompt says it's checking the connection. "Check away", says I. (Side note: I've been reading old novels and my writing is really pompous right now, sorry) Long story short: the phone line in my room doesn't work. HA! I thought, well maybe it's a problem with the internet service. I brought up the new phone and plugged it into the wall...no dialtone. BAULDERDASH! POPPYCOCK! (Actually the book I'm reading is from the 80's so I have no excuse for this masturbatory style of writing) But yeah... phone line not working. So I don't know what to do. I doubt the landlord will be pumped about someone coming and rewiring and breaking shit down so I can have internet. BUT I NEED IT! I am addicted to internet. A fiend, a junkie. It's sad because if you're gonna be a junkie, it should be toward something really cool, like heroin. Actually, in my hood, it's a lot easier to get heroin than internet access, apparently. But these are my troubles so far.

And I really shouldn't be complaining because everything else is going pretty okay (except some parts of the school business, but that'll be for the next post.)

I need to show you peeps a few more photos of my place, though. I'll end it with that.

And I need to take some photos of my neighborhood and other parts of nyc...hopefully those will be in the next post also. I'm probably heading to Central Park for lunch today, maybe I'll bring the camera along.

Until next time!